In this year, the year that I have claimed for my health, I have to say that I fell off the bandwagon for most of the month of February. I feel like I could name a thousand reasons why but when it comes down to it I have to say that I do not have the true trait of discipline. I have not been feeling well and it feels like it has been since December that this has been going on. During the last three months I have had at least three major colds that have made me stay in bed for the entire weekend, come home from work and sleep until it was time to get back up and repeat the cycle again. I still feel not completely recovered from this and due to this I give myself the excuse to eat horribly and not work out. I am not even walking the dog around the block. So my question to you is what do you do to restart?
As you look at your life, think about all the people that come in and out of it each year. The people that have stayed with you through it all and the people that touched your heart for just a short time and moved on. Now think about all the amazing experiences that you have had. Could food ever fill the shoes of those people or experiences? When I reflect on this quote this is what I think about. Food cannot replace the relationships or meaningful experiences that we have had through our life or the ones that have yet to come. Join me this year in having more meaningful experiences over filling our body with food that we do not need.
Today I made the decision to step on the scale for the first time since Jan. 1st, 2013. As always I was hoping for the best but fearing the worst. I have done an amazing job this week eating healthy. Getting up out of bed to walk in the morning is a different story. My sleep is just too important to me :). I did make it to the club three times this week so that is a check on one of my goals that I put forth. As I looked down at the number I did not know what to expect 13 days into trying my very best to live a healthy lifestyle. My mantra this year that gets played in my head and hung up in strategic places to give me encouragement is “one pound at a time.” Thirteen days in and I am ten pounds down from the weight that I started from on day One. I should be excited with this weight loss but I am fearful that I can gain it all back in one sitting. As I look at the week ahead my goal is going to be to go to the club twice, take a long walk in the woods (I am going up north next weekend) and to continue to eat healthy. I hope that the commitment that you made on January 1st is going well!
It is in one email that my o.k. day went from going well to very bad. A student of mine frustrated with how math is going for him took the time to list all of the ways he feels that I am mistreating him. I have been so blessed this year receiving notes, emails, and calls from both parents and students on my abilities not only to teach math but also on how I can relate and laugh with the Middle School Students. When the email arrived in the middle of the day on a Saturday afternoon it made me stop and ponder the merit on how the student was feeling. I made the decision that I was not going to respond to him until Monday morning and told myself that I needed to put it in the back of my mind until I could deal with it at school. This however did not happen. During the evening I helped throw a bachelorette party for my sister. As much as I tried to stay in the moment, the email kept popping in my mind. His frustration with me continued turned into my frustration with myself. I could not stay in the moment. As I look back at the evening I think for the most part the party was a huge success. We got to celebrate the bride to be and had fun in the process. The only part of the night that I would have changed is the drive home. Families often get the aftermath of a “bad” day. My sister, the bride, got the brunt end of mine. Instead of talking about how nice the party was I started bickering with her about silly things. It was a very maddening way to end the night for both of us. As I reflect on the evening I realized that I let a situation that I could not control take over my mind. This is something that I am going to have to work on in the future…
My favorite doughnut in the entire world is a Chocolate Long John with sprinkles on top. Sometimes just thinking about one makes my mouth water. Today, one of my co-workers thinking that she was being thoughtful on this dreary day brought a box of freshly baked doughnuts right from the best bakery in town. Right in the middle of the box was a sprinkled chocolate long john. I contemplated in my head what I should do. The easy choice would be to just walk away. The choice I made the first three times I walked into the lounge. The fourth time I remembered a conversation that I had over break with a group of friends. One of them said, “If you are truly craving something. You should have three bites of it and savor every moment.” This is exactly what I did. The craving went away and I did not ruin my healthy eating plan for the day on a silly doughnut!
Each morning I set my I-phone to go off in 15 minute intervals from 3:45 a.m. to 4:30 a.m. It has only been three times in the last 10 days that I have gotten up the first time my alarm has gone off. Today by far was the hardest. I did not make it out the door with the dog until 4:45 a.m. This meant that the mile in a half that I planned on walking turned into what I like to call a 1K (.7 miles). Yesterday was the first day that I did not exercise at all. In all the research that I have read it states that your body needs a recovery day and so I gave it one. I wonder if this is why it was so difficult to get out of bed. I went to bed last night at 8:45 p.m. I should have been able to pull myself out of bed but it just did not happen. I am going to shoot for the best for tomorrow!
How do you motivate yourself to get up in the morning?
As a Catholic School Teacher every Wednesday morning I get to bring my students to Mass. During today’s service the first reading came from John 4:11-18. At the end of the reading it states, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” During the homily the Priest talked about how we need to overcome our fears because in the end our fears can hurt us. When I look at this bible passage and think about my own fears I can see not only the disappointment that I have in myself for feeling like I am not able to do something but how I internally negatively talk about myself. This afternoon I took some time to think about my fears. When I look at the list I realized that each item that I placed on it had to deal with a relationship(s) that I had or have with other people except one. The items that have to do with other people I will be able to overcome. Yes it will be hard, and for one in particularly I will need to lose a lot more weight, but I know with hard work and dedication I will be able to have those fears disappear. The fear that I have inside about myself is one that I have carried for so long. It is one that I am most definitely ready to let go of. So as each day passes, my wish for myself is that each day I take the time to love myself a little more so that one day I will have perfect love.
How do you overcome your fears?